Winter Cabaret: “Man! I Feel Like A Tiger!” (5.11.24)
For the Winter Cabaret, I decided to display two paintings that respond to each other. Continuing my exploration of growing up queer, these pieces seek to confront my struggle with masculinity. The first painting features three faceless male figures in dark suits, painted in an abstract style to loom over a portrait of me as a child. A cartoon pink tiger erupts out of the scene, scared yet defensive of the frightened child. Nicole Eisenman’s work, especially the paintings featured in the exhibition “What Happened,” motivated me to be more experimental with my painting and incorporate these different styles into my own work. I enjoyed the way the bold, sharp forms of the male figures contrast the rest of the piece, however I do feel that I overworked the self-portrait. During my tutorials, I noted that I preferred the original sketch of the face, made in blue acrylic paint, as it added a layer of vulnerability the final piece lacks. This was met with agreement, so in the future I need to be more intentional with my layering. Fortunately, the meaning behind this piece was still understood by those in my group, and many noted that the anonymity of the faceless suits was particularly emotive, especially alongside the child.
The second piece seeks to redefine my relationship with masculinity, transorming my fear into pride through a self-portrait wearing a dazzling pink suit matching the tiger sitting proudly in front of me. Naudline Pierre explores similar feelings of community, tenderness and pride in her paintings, and her use of surreal and fantastical imagery has been a huge influence on my work, especially these pieces. Her pieces offer a glimmer of escapism through their whimsical style. In the future, I would love to explore the fantastical side of her work in my own paintings, which are often very introspective and dark in comparison. It was important to me that this piece reflected my joy and pride in my identity in contrast to the fear within the first piece. Growing up queer can be scary and confusing, and the journey to self-acceptance is beyond difficult. I hoped that this piece would feel like an emancipation from this turbulence and a chance to celebrate queerness.
In contrast to my first exhibition, I wanted these pieces to feel grand. I was inspired by my visit to the exhibition “BelkisAyón: Sikan Illuminations” at the Modern Art Oxford. Ayón‘s collographs feel ceremonial. She pieced together her prints to create looming pieces featuring figures with no features other than their piercing eyes. Her work explores the rituals and practices of the Abakuá, a secret and criminalised Afro-Cuban religious fraternity. Though she was not a part of this society, her work seeks to reclaim the power of Black religions, which have been demonised throughout history. Her work holds so much power, and the scale of her pieces emphasises the importance of her message. This inspired me to piece together my own paper to my exact height (183cm) to make these pieces tower over anyone who sees them. In my feedback, I found that the height was succesful in creating a feeling of intimidation and pride for each piece respectively which has encouraged me to continue to explore different scales of work in a more conscious manner.